Monthly Archives: July 2008

Balance

i’ve realized this whole business thing is taking a toll (obviously) but that when it comes to living there just needs to be more of some things and less of others.  it’s possible they even cancel each other out in some weird way.  i know i always loved being able to cancel out numbers when i was a kid multiplying fractions.  Something satisfying about it.

my life is less pulled together than usual but you wouldnt really know it necessarily.  I work about 50 hours and i have more school than i can remember having…this means i’m now super outta shape–I run less (though every day still in the mornings) and i drink more coffee and i stress out a bit more and want to sleep more but get about 1-5 AM every day as my one long nap.  thats it.  i’m not trying to make you worry or something, its more an introduction to the table below, which is based on getting back in shape, in others-first mindset (not always thinking about how to improve/manage everything myself, but more letting God manage things so i can focus on doing what he says is important.)

More                                  Less

caring for others               analyzing my day

sleep                                  watching the office

running                             eating ice cream

water                                 coffee

reading                              wasting time

praying                                facebook

loving                                  gossip

helping                             complaining

giving                                worryin

watermelon                          rainbow sherbet (this is NOT fruit)

cleaning my room                  taking too many courses at a time and freaking out

cleaning my car                          not cleaning my car

travel                                             what could have been a good point is deteriorating.

listening                                one upping.

thinking                                         thinking.

the first few lines make sense.

meawhile, none of this is really a big deal cause theres people out there with way less chance to really change their circumstances…i should be thankful for the chance to explore balance and perseverance.  it’s really hard for me when i get home late from work, do more work and then try to decide between watching tv, reading and going for a walk.  its like i feel entitled to veg out time, but that’s ridiculous.

update on how things are: i am blessed with a good job, hard courses, a mind that overthinks, and a God who has wonderful great things in store.   i feel like this time is just a season–its all going to change and who knows where i’ll end up.
for now, its going to have to be about less me-more others instead.

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important update

for those of you following along at home, i have completed:

six essays.

50 something hours at my job.

1 group meeting in which everyone agreed to do stuff next week.

too much of my paper.

current state: 5000 words and 1/2 finished and no sources and due tomorrow.

i am locked up in a house where i am dogsitting.  i will not come out until i finish dogsitting or finish my paper, hopefully the latter since:

i am right near a big festival with live music in the adorable town of canandaguia (which spell check recommended i spell as Vivekananda’s)

i am near a lake in which to go swimming.

there is no coffee maker.

there is no air conditioning.

there are flies.

i left the door open for about 10 minutes ( i think) and invited in 300 families of flies.  i’ve never seen so many in my life. To my boss, who owns this beautiful house, if you ever read this, i am sorry.  today i killed over 200 flies.  their corpes lie dead around the house and other flies i just sprayed with stuff (febreeze, i think since theres no kill the fly spray.)  Turns out stuff (febreeze?) doesnt actually kill flies, it drives them to craziness.  Now the flies fly into me.  they zoom slowly around as i type and the dogs take turns putting their cute faces on my knee.  then the flys putter slowly, start spiraling down, then fly up, into me.  then they go to the window where they like to die.

let me explain further.  today i have not seen another person, except hannah, with whom i videochatted.  Isaac called from kenya, marc from VA, jason from Henrietta and dad tried to give me a pep talk about my paper.  i have a bad feeling about this one, and after all the work ive put into this course, it will kill me not to get an a in it in the end.

how work goes:

work. killflies. work work. kill flies.  at this point fly killing can be therepuedic (which, if spelled as poorly as i just tried to spell it, makes the spellchecker recommend the word “unpredictable” in its place.  then it recommends orthopedic, then therapeutic.  new goal:  to at least mispell words and have it recommend the correct one on top.).  Killing is therapeutic because the flies are not only sick and deranged and therefore easy to kill, but i’ve also switched from the spatula to the flip flop, which has a sort of fulfilling SMACK sound to it.  there’s more, but i need to get back to working again.  oh, i also watch episodes of the office when my brain is dead, no more than twice a day, and i pray.  and I call people to beg for help (no one wants to do it).  Until tomorrow at midnight, i still offer money to someone who can help me stay focused.  on the paper of course.

this is not an important update, i just wanted you to open the facebook note.

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twists

two new twists:

car blew a tire on the way to work today and it looks like a velocoraptor chewed it up for its young to digest or something.

found new papers from last week that are due as well..this weekend…

gone all weekend dogsitting.  miss you all.

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all is vanity

this is going to be tricky as i plan to explain my 4-5 hours of sleep per night ON 4-5 hours sleep per night (for weeks now). Here are the reasons that for weeks (and for the next month) i will sleep an unhealthy 4-5 hours per night.

Factor 1: Overtime encouraged. Let’s just say the office has now enabled me as a workaholic (i had been a recovering one) by giving me seven kinds of free energy drinks and olive garden “order in” on wednesdays (free) and dinner any night i work late. While life is more than food, it clearly doesnt take much to make me happy. No, seriously though, and more importantly, I also get a BIG PAY INCREASE if i can make my “utilized hours” for this month, (chaching), next month (chaching) and the next month (chaching and double it for all three). Its like being an alcoholic and moving in above a liquor store.

i was talking to friends after working a 16 hour day (which included two jobs, office and nanny, and a cell phone ticket between the two…) about how I want to be “utilized” at all times (this means working specifically for clients on projects at all times) so i can get more money. When my boss and i work hard to improve company processes (something i am passionate about because it will save us a TON of money in the long run and its good for the organization), i am not always able to bill the time to a client project and thus spend time NOT utilized (not making my goal hours). I get to work overtime to make the ones i didnt make during the week, but that gets hard because of class.

I didnt explain it though, the other night..it was midnight and we were walking downtown to park ave, at strong museum…by the fountain. I was so tired it hurt and said something to the tune of the following (about our 5 hour much needed but much unutilized meeting to improve scheduling):

::note:::this was not going to go on the blog but i wanted to never forget how stupid it really was to say it::::
“So today my boss and i locked ourselves in a room for five hours and did things we REALLY couldnt bill clients for”.

Everyone just stared at me. And then we all laughed til we cried and i didnt bother explaining (too tired and it goes over the ten minute point im allowed.)

Factor 2: School.

This is the most work i’ve ever had in my life. And just like people do evil things in the name of Christ, then i try to explain to other people that I really do love Jesus and they don’t believe me, people have done terrible things to the name of work. They use the name of work in vain.

Them: “Sorry i have mad work tomorrow.” Cant hang out.

Me: You’ve got 4 classes and no job.

Them: “yeah. its a lot of work”
me: you have to eat! dinner?

them: no im just so busy.

me: :::thinks about it and doesnt want dinner with that person anymore since they obviously are using the name of work in vain:::

now, if you’re a good friend you will read this post and not guilt trip me for never emailing you, seeing you, whatever. if you want to go have dinner, cool. otherwise, give me at least a month and then we can all hang out and skip rocks and waste time together. here it is:

THIS WEEK ALONE i must:

Make an outline for my paper.

Start my 35 page research paper that demands 35 references and an original model.

finish said paper

Write an essay about political ideologies and business tactics.

Write an essay about FDI increase in the past 30 years.

Write an essay about political systems and business decisions.

Write an essay about product life development/cycle and the manufacturing of old products.

Write an essay about political risk.

Write an executive summary of a 20 page paper.

Write another executive summary on an article.

Write a summary to send to my group about another article.

Attend group meetings (2).

Contribute to two group projects.

Write a 10 page proposal for my capstone project (ths will never be finished).

im dead serious. this week! thats the record. Today someone said “can we go get coffee?” in a text and i responded with “NO.” that was all. how terrible of me. i apologize to you before billions on my weblog.

finally, factor 3: Africa stuff.

I’ve been busy for years. Working overtime (i am now) and working too hard on classes (as i am now) would be average if not for the added stress of terrifying emails from Africa. I know that my complaint is getting old, but the emails are getting worse.

This week, i got the following email from a man who i told i would sell his stuff. When i agreed to sell it in the US, i warned him to expect months and months because its not easy to sell it and i am busy…he said at the time that it was ok. Now he emails me OFTEN. the most recent one broke my heart in two, as his kids are my siblings, he was a student and friend and his wife braided my hair for me:

Bolded areas are areas i think arent exactly right. and the italics stuff i wrote.

It look like you are not genuine people because the time we were together you promise to took the hand crafts then you will inform me about selling and sent the money to me after few days .Rebecca asked me to sent my bank account to her three time after sent the account now it is about one month.She did nothing and she do not want to answer my email. (i emailed him twice a week or so.) All those make me to ask Rebecca to sent her home address so that I can send my sister who live in New York to take those hand crafts. She did nothing. Now I want the money because you think that I am ready to let U.S.D 5000 (not worth 3000) to you I can not do that but I will make sure that I restore every thing you took form me.The world of todays is not big for some body to hide himself. (<—–ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

I gave my thing 3 people Rebecca,Ramon and Janneth though Janneth did not took any thing form me but we need her testimony because she was with you every time I gave the things.So when she will come she will tell me every thing about you that our people may come to your home.It look like you want visiters. (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

Clearly this was scary and sad. I emailed him back a sweet and hopefully calming email about how excited i am to give him his stuff back and the money ive already made from three different saturday sales ive attended and sold things at for about 350 USD.

so between the list above, the email above, overtime and moving out soon, i am frankly, overwhelmed. prayers? i originally wrote to say something about upcoming relocation and ask for advice (man with m.s. who will let me change the channel for him 1 hr per night in exchange for a giant apartment vs. a really awesome lady letting me stay free). im too tired to explain and neezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(p.s. if you’re still reading, ive ruined my fancy exit and love you so much that you get to see the video that made me cry with laughter the other night–its easy now that im so tired, happened twice this week already it seems: http://failblog.org/2008/07/10/mascot-fail/ enjoy it as a prize because you made it to the end!)

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of throat cameras and mr. white

It’s really the sound of the voices, the sound of the words, the sound of the sound that we’re interested in. 
Anne Dudley

 

i have a new voice and it sounds like someone else’s. totally serious.  my appointment went something like this at 9:30 AM:

Here’s a tissue.

No, thats ok i lost the gum in the garbage already.

I’m giving them to you because I’m going to spray that stuff up your nose.

That numbing stuff?

Yes.

Are you going to stick the camera up my nose?

Yes.

I dont want you to.

Cmon, its not so bad.

Yes it is!  It’s like a car antenna.  Do we have to?

Yes.  I tell you what.  If it looks okay you do not need to come back for your six weeks appointment.

I don’t want you to do it.

:::points to the resident::: You are going to make him think i torture people. :::gives me a look that says he is mostly serious:::

no, he’s good!  i just don’t like it. 

FINE.

:::spray:::

ugh it feels weird, my nose is numb.

:::inserts long car antenna thing up my nose/down my throat to the bottom of my neck.

::close my eyes:::

say eee…

(this could get long)

here is the important part.

 

Me: My voice sounds different!  

Him: do you like it?

Me: well, it sounds like a-

him: A WOMAN!?  well SORRRREEE.  i can make you sound like barry white!  Is that what you want? want me to make you sound like barry white?

me: no, no not really, no.

 

 

so i sound like NOT me.  but at least i sound like NOT barry white.

 

in other news, operation “lose 10 lbs. so i can wear the pretty dress mom got me to the wedding in a few weeks” has commenced.  So has operation “leave the cell phone (alarm) on the other side of the room in the morning.”  These relate to each other, as i now run more if i get up before 6.  

I run, how?  Through: “operation steal caleb’s ipod because sadly, his music and brian regan sketches are better than my own”.  This also relates to the first one as it makes me run faster.  Especially when  i listen to ‘beat it’, songs by superchick (embaressing) and similar tunes.  :).

operation GO TO BED has failed.  i am in bed but i think it needed to be more specific. marking it as complete and moving on to initiate  “operation close the computer, close eyes and finally sleep.”

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typing

i type a lot.  when i leave work, i type to do school.  and in between i type to say anything.

 

its especially fun to type in cars and hook up my mac talker thinger to the speakers.  it almost caused an accident last week on account of laughs.

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