i’ve realized this whole business thing is taking a toll (obviously) but that when it comes to living there just needs to be more of some things and less of others.  it’s possible they even cancel each other out in some weird way.  i know i always loved being able to cancel out numbers when i was a kid multiplying fractions.  Something satisfying about it.

my life is less pulled together than usual but you wouldnt really know it necessarily.  I work about 50 hours and i have more school than i can remember having…this means i’m now super outta shape–I run less (though every day still in the mornings) and i drink more coffee and i stress out a bit more and want to sleep more but get about 1-5 AM every day as my one long nap.  thats it.  i’m not trying to make you worry or something, its more an introduction to the table below, which is based on getting back in shape, in others-first mindset (not always thinking about how to improve/manage everything myself, but more letting God manage things so i can focus on doing what he says is important.)

More                                  Less

caring for others               analyzing my day

sleep                                  watching the office

running                             eating ice cream

water                                 coffee

reading                              wasting time

praying                                facebook

loving                                  gossip

helping                             complaining

giving                                worryin

watermelon                          rainbow sherbet (this is NOT fruit)

cleaning my room                  taking too many courses at a time and freaking out

cleaning my car                          not cleaning my car

travel                                             what could have been a good point is deteriorating.

listening                                one upping.

thinking                                         thinking.

the first few lines make sense.

meawhile, none of this is really a big deal cause theres people out there with way less chance to really change their circumstances…i should be thankful for the chance to explore balance and perseverance.  it’s really hard for me when i get home late from work, do more work and then try to decide between watching tv, reading and going for a walk.  its like i feel entitled to veg out time, but that’s ridiculous.

update on how things are: i am blessed with a good job, hard courses, a mind that overthinks, and a God who has wonderful great things in store.   i feel like this time is just a season–its all going to change and who knows where i’ll end up.
for now, its going to have to be about less me-more others instead.


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