Busted up heart

Two quotes about development can get this post rolling, one I’ve typed and deleted 6 times already.
My heart is too broken to even figure out how to tell you all about it.  If you cry easy in movies, quit reading now.
“I have learned that I, we, are a dollar-a-day people (which is terrible, they say, because a cow in Japan is worth $9 a day). This means that a Japanese cow would be a middle class Kenyan… a $9-a-day cow from Japan could very well head a humanitarian NGO in Kenya. Massages are very cheap in Nairobi, so the cow would be comfortable.”
— Binyavanga Wainaina
“Development is about transforming the lives of people, not just transforming economies.”
— Joseph E. Stiglitz (Making Globalization Work)
If you’re a close friend or sponsor of FFF, please know we can communicate more on this when I get more information.
Remember when I first talked about my day traveling to Kware/Embakasi?  How i said it’s even poorer than Mwiki (which is POOR) and that kids couldnt even sit up straight?  Then my heart was torn and I knew I had to do something.  So we transformed a church into a school (the only school around the whole entire village, which exists in a garbage dump filled with pigs and gross trash).
We raised money to build little walls and benches for little rears to sit on.  We built blackboards.  It opened.  Then it got flooded.  Some horrible mean person sent water straight into it via a dam he created.
So then we raised thousands more and bought land (for those of you who donated, most of your money went to mattresses, food and things like chicken projects in Mwiki–a lot raised was my own…and sent it along.  We sent more to be used for iron, labor, cement and other things we needed to finish the two-story school.  Finally, in the end, it was finished and as soon as we wrapped up labor on the kiddos latrine, it was ready for opening day.  There had never been a school before in Kware.  And this one was two stories with enough room for widows and single moms to practice their projects and handcrafts.
Then on Tuesday, a gang stole all of our walls, roof and other pieces of iron.  The finished school is now a lot of wooden sticks sticking out of the ground.  The final product is worse than the first.  Started with hope and ends with dashed hopes.  Started with land we could consider buying and ended up with people in jail (my guess is that the thieves were teenagers but thats just a guess really).
Right.  This week i also got news that a friend killed himself last week (i wont explain more, its graphic) in his dorm room, and that breaks my heart even more because suicide is a whole nother thing (especially for Christians)–all this is causing me to seek and surrender to God more than ever, because if I don’t, I worry that my heart/mind will try to get mad or something–always at an incorrect target.  God loves the kids more than I do and Danny more than i did.  So i need to place all this passion in His hands–not expecting answers but trusting and praising Him in all situations.
In closing, I’m sorry if you feel like what you’ve been a part of is a failure.  These kids are still fed every month through sponsors, and the project in Mwiki is going remarkably well, with the women working hard on projects, and saving money in a fund, registering as a community based organization and working hard to get small business loans to start their own initiatives.  It’s a far cry from where we started.  The kids are all healthy in Mwiki and are growing up strong and happy–and in Kware, they’re at least able to have food, but the idea for a school has not worked.
It’s hard not to get on the next flight over there but I’m still workin here–please pray for wisdom and guidance for the school board, myself and henry as we determine next steps and seek God together.


1 Comment

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One response to “Busted up heart

  1. Joe E.

    Remember ‘whatever you do for the least of my people’ line from Jesus. I think although there are some problems to be solved – things will work out. It is a learning curve trying to help a culture that isn’t familiar. Imagine the number of times you have to attempt to get something to work on a computer before you know how to do it well. We could try the 3 little pigs method of building 🙂

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