Monthly Archives: November 2010

Checking motives

I realized something today.

I had been trying to memorize my way through everything Jesus said in the Scripture–Any red text needed to get in my brain–as soon as possible.

While I’d still like to do this before I die, I think the most important thing for my own personal growth and relationship with Jesus is going to be memorizing verses about the particular fruit I am praying to see, or about the way He adores us so. I checked out my heart about why I wanted to memorize everything Jesus ever said and realized it was about 65% LOVING Jesus’ words, and 35% pride (it sounds cool to say “i know everything Jesus ever said in Matthew, Mark, Luke or John”.)..

In a lot of different things I daily undertake, I have to check motives. I regularly do things so I can feel better about myself, feel in control of my own actions, or impress, keep up with or show something to other people. It’s sad. But God is revealing this more and more to me.

I used to read books (and help kids write books) as a nanny that used a funny line: “OH that’s good! NO, that’s BAD”.

A little kid might get a balloon and the book says, “Oh! that’s good!” and then you turn the page and he is floating in the sky and can’t get down so it says, “No, that’s bad”. Then it says “He saw an alligator!”
“OH THATS BAD”. Then turn the page and its a nice alligator who helps him down so it says, “No, that’s good!”.

In this case I often feel like I should just stop doing something because my motives are bad, for ex. memorizing the Bible. Then I realize, “No, that’s GOOD!” — at least I realized it. Now I can memorize while crying out to God for help in right motives.

Hope this makes sense. I got this: totally stoked.


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Read this.

Dandelion to Seed Head

I immediately noticed when watching this video that the dandelion quickly becomes a beautiful flowering dandelion of gold, and just as quickly goes back inside itself…

but then it takes a LONG, long time (while it’s all closed up and NOT beautiful) for it to be ready to bear seeds at the end.

Jesus often described trees growing, plants shooting up, seeds bearing 100 times the fruit, plants getting choked, weeds getting pulled up, branches abiding in his vine, etc..

I believe God made nature to show us things and I believe Christians are to plant seeds. So I’m taking something away from this video: It takes a long, sometimes ugly time to get ready to plant those seeds, even if it looked really pretty in the beginning. But it’s not TOO long. It’s just right. I bet if we kept watching we’d see it takes even longer for the wind to plant the seeds than it took for the flower to prepare to plant them.

Also interesting: Getting ready to plant seeds all happened on the inside of the flower itself. Shut itself up and got itself ready. Sure i think the sun had something to do with it, and water in the roots, but yeah–sometimes we need to stop trying to rush things and just work on preparing to bear fruit, right? And sometimes we’re supposed to be standin firm while the wind blows our seeds everywhere. sorry, this is just wild to me. by wild i mean BEAUTIFUL.

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Great Books!

I didn’t realize how funny the names of the books I’ve been reading are, but most of them are about specific fruits of the spirit:

1.) Humility <–best book after the Bible
2.) Contentment<–beautiful
3.) Godliness (the Practice of). <–currently hungrier for this than ice cream, which is saying something
4.) Genesis <–a very good place to start

I really do wish someone would read Humility so we can talk about it, and recommend the Practice of Godliness as one of the most practical books I've ever read before.
I'm also reading pieces of Woman to Woman, The Heavenly Man, Boundaries in Dating, Devotions for Dating Couples, and a couple works here and there by John Piper. But they're no where near as important as the ones listed above currently. And since the relationship I was in is on a break, I've more time to read non-dating books.

Yes, it's true, and a great story. We're trusting in God for his will — which is always good for us — and waiting for some things to happen/change before re-dating (if that’s right). It feels weird, bad, hard, correct and confusing. I'd never dated anyone before, but I am starting to think dating is a helpful thing to do. Ask me about that sometime if you're interested.

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i just wrote a song for two hours for a special person


it haunts me in its non-melodic state.

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