Checking motives

I realized something today.

I had been trying to memorize my way through everything Jesus said in the Scripture–Any red text needed to get in my brain–as soon as possible.

While I’d still like to do this before I die, I think the most important thing for my own personal growth and relationship with Jesus is going to be memorizing verses about the particular fruit I am praying to see, or about the way He adores us so. I checked out my heart about why I wanted to memorize everything Jesus ever said and realized it was about 65% LOVING Jesus’ words, and 35% pride (it sounds cool to say “i know everything Jesus ever said in Matthew, Mark, Luke or John”.)..

In a lot of different things I daily undertake, I have to check motives. I regularly do things so I can feel better about myself, feel in control of my own actions, or impress, keep up with or show something to other people. It’s sad. But God is revealing this more and more to me.

I used to read books (and help kids write books) as a nanny that used a funny line: “OH that’s good! NO, that’s BAD”.

A little kid might get a balloon and the book says, “Oh! that’s good!” and then you turn the page and he is floating in the sky and can’t get down so it says, “No, that’s bad”. Then it says “He saw an alligator!”
“OH THATS BAD”. Then turn the page and its a nice alligator who helps him down so it says, “No, that’s good!”.

In this case I often feel like I should just stop doing something because my motives are bad, for ex. memorizing the Bible. Then I realize, “No, that’s GOOD!” — at least I realized it. Now I can memorize while crying out to God for help in right motives.

Hope this makes sense. I got this: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/used/results.aspx?PEAN=9781578565184&SRT=PA&USEDPAGETYPE=usedisbn&SZE=25&CND=7 totally stoked.

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